I met Martha, my best friend, yesterday when I came to know that she had been trying for last 6 months continuously for a successful date. Some were set up by his parents/ friends and a few through online blind dating sites. However, none of them converted. I could sense that, in this whole marathon process, one after the other, she is losing a few very important points.
I, June, work for an ad agency where I have to meet many people from different walks of life. It’s one of the projects for whom I met a relationship expert who gave me a few tips to make a blind date successful. I shared some of the following tips with Martha which I feel short for her:
– Chat before-hand and schedule date mutually: Most of the time, Martha didn’t know much about her date except his name, age and other unnecessary details. Moreover, it was her who reschedules plans according to her date’s preference.
I suggested her to have a small introductory chat over the phone before actual face to face meeting. This actually helped her break the ice and served as a reference. Additionally, when she started chatting and fixing schedule meeting beforehand, she sets her date as per her ease. Now, she gets a fair chance to fix schedule mutually and also some spare time to linger if the date gets interesting.
– Select a public setting with an engaging activity: Restaurants, coffee shops, clubs and entertainment parks are a few places which are comfortable to meet on the first blind date. Martha always left this point and this makes her land either in some pub or a crowded disco where she didn’t get a fair chance to sit and talk in such a loud and noisy environment. Due to this, she wasn’t able to connect with any of the prospective dates in an engaging activity.
Meeting at a place is one thing. However, I suggested Martha show her positivity and try to engage her date with some activity. In case if her meeting point is a theme park or some music club, she can engage her date with different activities. In this way, she will get to know more about his likes, choices and personality.
– A dress you love to wear and is comfortable: One of the biggest issue with Martha was, she always try to copy some supermodel and end up looking horrible on her dates. She tries to copy what most of the fashion model wear. I suggested her to wear something which makes her feel confident and comfortable. This will help her accept the way she is and increase the confidence.
– Don’t expect much from the first date: In Martha’s case, she expects everything from her date. Right from the very beginning, she expected meeting someone straight from the Hollywood celebrity type handsome man. She told me that she chatted with those men a couple of times before meeting. However, she finds all of them quite different from what she expected.
I suggested, not expecting anything from her first Blind date and try not to think and make some pre-conceived image of him in her mind. I didn’t mean to have low expectations, just expect nothing. This actually helps her enjoy date more than anything else.
– Escape plan in case of disaster: In one of Martha’s date, her prospective match started abusing after getting drunk. Things can go awry and I recommended her to have a rescue plan ready in case if she needs. In such a situation, it’s advised to leave the place at your earliest. One can excuse for an urgent call or on a pretext of a sick roommate.
– Good Hygiene for next chance: I always suggest Martha fix her hairs as she keeps them untidy. Fair hygiene always considered good and adds value to the whole personality. Moreover, she being a female, it’s really important for her to look tidy, clean and uncluttered.
– Converse with an open-mind: It’s for sure that even after having an introductory chat and then a formal face-to-face meeting; Martha didn’t know all what is required to help make her mind. The issue was she always asks close-ended questions. Merely answering in yes or no didn’t help her much. And thus, always left her confused about next date.
I suggested her, first, to be more receptive to new ideas and ask open-ended questions. This actually helps one to answer queries in a more descriptive way. This also offers a chance to start a conversation in between. I suggested her to ask for his goals or share her own goals with him and see if compliments. This, in fact, gives her time to analyze his likes and personality. I suggested her certain questions that she can ask him, like:
o What does he do on his weekends?
o What he enjoys most to do?
o What is one thing he likes about his best friend?
o His views about family
– Active listening to know more: Martha has a problem with not making an eye contact. This even makes me feel neglected. What I suggest her to look straight into eyes and feel confident. Also, I suggest her to improve her posture and focus on what her date says. This will certainly make him feel that she is interested. Acknowledging what one is saying and adding views in-between is a sure way to carry on a conversation.
– Be clear about next action: Since Martha always left confused about whether his date is going to call her back, she ends up not getting any further meetings. What I suggested her to ask her date if he is going to call her. I also recommended her to call and check if they can see each other again. Asking honestly will help everyone and any misunderstandings will be sorted.
Like Martha, there are many people who tried unsuccessfully to make their date work for them. I hope, the above-mentioned points will help them in making their blind date successful.